


Timestamp for The Consequences of a Fateful Decision

by lightmyway



Series: A Disjointed Path of Hope [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester in Denial, Frustrated Sam Winchester, M/M, Meddling Charlie Bradbury, POV Sam Winchester, Sad Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 13:51:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15642051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightmyway/pseuds/lightmyway
Summary: This is Sam's version of events.  It starts with a late-night visit from Castiel.  Sam soon discovers the reason the angel came to him instead of his brother.  With the help of Charlie, they try to help Cas and Dean face their feelings for each other.  Through many road-blocks and dashed hopes, Sam clings to his dreams that his brother will one day accept love.





	1. Chapter One

A late-night knock at the door surprised Sam.  He rapidly closed his laptop and approached the door fearful of what he would find on the other side.  Too many nights recently, his brother stumbled in drunk off his ass fresh from his latest conquest.  A glance at the clock told him it was too early for his return.  What greeted him instead was a tense trench-coated angel.

“Hi, Cas. Is something wrong?” Sam watched as Cas swept into the room and stopped at the end of the bed near the door. The blue eyes stared down the bed as if it offended him. “Cas?”

Cas unclenched his fists and turned to face Sam. “Sorry Sam. How are you?”

“Good,” said Sam tentatively. “Um…not that I am not happy to see you but is there a reason you are here at this time of night.” The tension returned in the angel’s shoulders and he looked away. His eyes landed once again on the unused bed.

Castiel ignored Sam’s question and asked, “Sam, where is Dean? I need to speak with him.”

An inkling of understanding tickled at the back of Sam’s mind. “Dean went out tonight. I am not sure he will be back.” The angel’s eyes flashed with anger and the room thrummed with static. Trying to placate Cas, Sam asked, “Is there something I can help you with?”

Nervousness replaced anger as Cas stumbled over his words. “Um…I don’t know…Dean was…um." Clearly frustrated the angel turned to face Sam. “Sam.” His name was said with a gravitas Cas usually reserved for Dean.

“Cas, whatever it is I am here to help even if this has something to do with Dean. You are my friend. Please let me help.”

Shaking his head, Cas refused. “No, Sam. It is my job to help you. Is there anything you need?”

Sam reached out and touched Castiel’s arm. The rare occurrence clearly shocked the blue-eyed angel. Once again something tickled Sam’s mind. He thought back over the years and concluded that Cas’ jumpy reaction never occurred when Dean was the one touching him. “Why do you think we needed help?”

“No reason.” The answer was too quick and obviously a lie.

Sam shook his head. “That isn’t true, is it?”

The angel, surprisingly, dropped onto the bed and placed his hands over his face. Visible emotion in every move and sigh. The realization brought Sam pause. Cas’ natural countenance was stoic. Sure, he displayed anger and frustration, but this looked a whole lot like defeat. The only time Sam could compare it to would be the day Cas gave up on God. “No. I did not mean to deceive you, but I am unsure if it is my place to tell you.”

Confusion washed over Sam. “I think you need to tell me. This is obviously upsetting you.”

A heavy sigh and then eyes brimming with tears met Sam’s. “Dean prays for me.”

Sam chuckled at that least kept secret. “That is not a surprise. He has said as much himself.”

“He prayed for me tonight.” The despair on the angel’s face intensified. Sam stared as he wrung his hands together causing the knuckles to whiten.

Sam was still confused. “Ok. Did he say what he wanted? When was this?” The whispered answer, ‘ten minutes ago,’ floored Sam. “Shit, let me text him.” Sam rushed to his phone and texted his older brother. “Hey Cas, why didn’t you just go to him?” Before the angel could speak, the text from Dean supplied the answer. It was short and to the point _. Fine. Two doors down. Blond from bar._ Sam felt ill and he failed to hide it from the angel.

Seeing the expression on Sam’s face, Cas said, “He’s in trouble. I should go.” This time Sam grabbed Cas forcefully. “No, Cas. He’s fine.”

“Sam, I can sense your anxiety. Something is wrong.” The angel was standing now in full soldier mode. “I am going.”

Sam dropped his head and his arm. His voice was low and sad, “You can’t go to him. He isn’t alone.” Before he could even raise his head, the angel was gone.

               

The hunter tried to sleep, but thoughts of Castiel consumed him. After two hours of tossing and turning, he picked up his phone. The sleepy, irritated voice on the other end made him smile. “Winchester, you better have a good reason for waking me from my dream of Princess Leia.”

“A New Hope Leia or Return of the Jedi Leia.” Sam chuckled at the exaggerated huff from the feisty red-head. “Really, Sam. Jedi, hands down. Now, I assume you had a reason for calling. I am exhausted from trying to find a solution to the Mark of Cain and need my beauty sleep.”

Steeling himself for the anticipated squeal, Sam said, “I know you have read the books. Is there anything in there about Castiel and Dean?”

The squeal was even louder than expected and was followed by a stream of excited talking. “Sam, you have no idea. It starts with the whole eye-sex thing and then the personal space issue. There is all this licking of lips and staring at mouths. I mean these two burn with sexual tension. It is so hot. There is a whole bunch of fanfictions written about them as well. Man, you should read some of those. Even I, a card-carrying lesbian, am…”

“Charlie, stop right there. You are talking about my brother.”

Charlie laughed at his embarrassment. “Not just him. I am talking about hot gay sex between your brother and an angel.” Sam felt his cheeks flush and he sputtered, “Why, Charlie? Why?”

“That is for waking me up at this ridiculous hour. Why are you asking about this Sam?”

Taking a deep breath, the hunter told her about Cas’ visit. About the prickly feeling the whole exchange elicited. How Cas fled as soon as he learned Dean was not alone. The woman barely let him finish before she screamed into the phone. “I knew it.”

“Ow, my ears, Charlie.”

“Sorry. This is just so awesome.” Sam could not figure out what could possibly be awesome about this situation. Cas was openly upset and his brother was praying to the angel when…He abruptly stopped that train of thought. “Shit. This is worse than I thought,” mused Sam. That was all it took for Charlie to steamroll over his diffidence. “Alright, now that you figured it out, we can get to work. I think it would work best if you introduced me to the dreamy angel and you can deal with your stubborn, clueless brother.”

Frozen by the daunting unspoken issue, Sam simply listened as Charlie practically preened with enthusiasm. With a brief break in the torrent of words, Sam loosened enough to interject his concern. “We haven’t even addressed the massive road block in our way. Dean will never admit to being anything but straight. You know and I know his sexuality is more fluid than that, but I am not even sure he sees it.”

“Sam, if I am a lesbian then your brother is a bisexual. His isn’t exactly subtle when he checks men out. And from everything I have read and the way he talks about Cas, he, at the very least, has the hots for him.”

Looking around the dreary motel room, Sam wondered if there was anyway they could help ease Dean into accepting himself. “After seeing Cas’ desperation tonight, I think the feeling for him goes much deeper than physical attraction.”

Charlie guffawed, “And what, you think Dean’s doesn’t?”

“As I lay here struggling to sleep, I thought about all the times Dean was crushed over Cas. His betrayal, leaving him in that mental hospital, purgatory. His numerous deaths, his guilt over kicking Cas out. You know he struggled after Cas walked into that lake. His nightmares spiked and he would cry out for him. I guess I should have seen this sooner.”

“Yeah, Sam. Your brother loves the angel in the non-friend way. So, are we doing this? Are we going to get these crazy kids together?”

Sam’s shoulders drooped and he sighed in frustration. “I don’t think that is our place. But, I do think we should help them understand themselves and each other better.”

“Does that mean I get to meet the angel?”

“Yes, Charlie. I think he needs a friend like you. And, I promise to try with Dean. I’m just not convinced he will even let me do that.” The red-head responded with a sad, “Yeah, I know.”

 

Two weeks later, Sam brought Charlie to meet Cas. The angel was seated on a park bench. Back straight, arms rigid. Ignoring his closed-off manner, Charlie hugged him fiercely. “I am so happy to finally meet you. I think the guys were keeping us apart so we wouldn’t gang up on them.”

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “Why would we do that?”

“Come on, handsome. Loosen up.” At Charlie’s words the angel looked to Sam for help. The hunter immediately responded. “Don’t look at me. You are on your own. I will be over there researching.” Sam gestured to a picnic table under a large maple tree. He walked away with a huge grin, leaving the angel with a ball of energy wrapped in a tiny package. Sam chuckled at his own description of Charlie before taking his seat. Research was the farthest thing from Sam’s mind. Thoughts of his brother, out at a bar, for the fifth day in a row, and thoughts of an angel about to hear a speech about coming out consumed him.

Sam was not surprised when Charlie laid a blanket out within hearing distance. Cas looked uncomfortable as he sat on the ground. It only got worse when he tried to mimic Charlie and sit cross-legged. After several smiles and swats from Charlie, the angel relaxed. It was only then that Charlie broached the subject of Dean and sexuality.

“Cas, Sam called me about your visit the other night.” Just from those few words, the angel tensed. “I know this may be difficult for you, but Sam was concerned. He grew more concerned when you continued to show up to see him.”

Castiel shifted around as he was about to stand. “I understand Charlie. I will not bother Sam again.”

With a grip that was way too strong for someone so small, Charlie pulled the stubborn self-deprecating being back down. “Oh, no you don’t. We have barely started. Sam does not want you to stop visiting him. That is the furthest thing from the truth. What he wants is to help and that is why he called in the big guns.”

“I don’t understand.” Brow furrowed in confusion Cas tipped his head to the side again.

Charlie grinned at the angel. “That is adorable,” she quipped. “Enough of that, we need to get down to business. There is obviously something preventing you from seeing Dean. Some reason you check with Sam first?”   A clenched jaw and rigid back greeted her question. “I know this is uncomfortable, but please trust me. It will get better if you talk about it.”

Sam watched as something shifted. Cas slumped his shoulders and leaned his head toward Charlie. He appeared to be seeking comfort. It was odd to see his friend that way. When the tiny woman wrapped her arms around the angel and he rested his head on her shoulder, Sam nearly fell off the seat. Whatever had triggered that response also broke open the floodgates. An Angel of the Lord, who spoke in short, clipped sentences, unleashed a river of words.

“Dean is an infuriating man. He tells me I am his friend, that I am like a brother. In the next breath, he is praying to me, pleading for me. In his head, he longs for me. He dreams of us and shoves those images at me in prayers. Prayers I cannot ignore. I try to tune them out, but they are so loud and demanding. Just like Dean. I went to him one night as he screamed for me and what I found was…unpleasant. And still I came the next time he called to me. What I saw hurt me.” The broken sound of his voice almost had Sam rushing to his friend’s side, but he forced himself to stay seated.

A hand lifted to Cas’ face and wiped a stray tear away. “I think I understand. In his prayers and dreams, Dean shows you what he really wants for the two of you. But in reality, he keeps that hidden from you. Cas, I don’t mean to be blunt, but did you see Dean with women. Possibly having sex.”

“That was the unpleasant issue I mentioned.” From the angle Sam was at he saw Cas’ fist clench in the blanket but could no longer see his face. Charlie reached up and touched the angel’s shoulder. “Cas, why were you hurt?”

A heavy sigh and then Cas spoke in a deep grit-filled voice. “He gives me glimpses of his desire for me. He shows me what we could have and every time I hope, he rips it away from me. When I saw him with those women as he prayed to me, I decided it was time to quit hoping. He will never allow himself to be with me. I see that now.”

“No, Cas. You can’t give up. Please listen to me on this. Being different is hard and accepting you are different is equally hard. There is all this stigma about homosexuality. Add to that all the pressure of living up to the image of a stereotypical male. It is hard to come out. I struggled with it and I didn’t have all the macho hunter bullshit to deal with. And Dean, he has been burying who he is for so long. I know he is hurting you, but he is also hurting himself. Not being able to accept who you are, fearing the opinions of others, finding disgust in your own desires. It’s a wonder sometimes how we even muster the strength to get out of bed. Dean is afraid and ashamed. Part of him is trying to reach out, trying to free itself. Please don’t quit on him. When it finally happens, he will need you.”

The angel looked contemplative so Sam took the opportunity to approach. “Everything ok over here.”

“I know you heard all that Sam. What is it you want to know?” There was irritation, but no anger in his gravelly voice.

Sincerity mixed with a hint of sadness shown in Sam’s eyes. “Actually, I just want to know if you are alright. I can’t imagine it is easy keeping your feelings to yourself.”

Castiel stared into the hunter’s eyes making Sam wonder how his brother could handle the intensity of that gaze. Sam shifted his eyes to the blanket. “Since I am relatively new to understanding feelings, I believe I should spend some time analyzing my own emotions. After, maybe, I will be able to speak with Dean.”

“I hope so Cas.” Sam smiled at his friend. “Same goes for me,” added Charlie.


	2. Chapter Two

With Castiel working on accepting his own feelings, Sam felt it was time to approach Dean. That was easier said than done. The common brush off, ‘no chick-flick moments,’ greeted Sam’s first attempts. Months later and he was still no closer to getting Dean to talk. It didn’t matter if he tried kindness or intimidation. Dean refused any overtures about Cas. “Dean, we need to talk about this.”

Anger seethed from Dean. “Why are you so damn insistent? Cas is fine. I am fine. Leave it at that.”

“How would you know Cas is fine? You never talk to him and barely see him.” Sam blocked Dean’s way as he tried to leave. “Not this time. We are having this discussion.”

“I don’t know why he isn’t around, probably just busy.” Dean tried to sound unconcerned but failed spectacularly at it. Then he added, “Besides we have bigger issues or did you forget about this thing on my arm.” Sam touched his brother’s shoulder. “Dean, he is not that busy. Even when he was fighting a war he came for us.” There was a brief pause and then same lowered his voice and whispered, “And he does come around.”

Dean leaned into his brother’s personal space. “What did you just say?”

“I said he does come around.” Sam stared at Dean waiting for the inevitable blow up.

With a red face, Dean spewed, “What the hell Sam? So, you two have been meeting behind my back. What the fuck are you keeping from me? What are you planning?”

“Calm down. That is not what this is about. Cas is going through some issues and he needed help from Charlie and me.” Warring emotions flew across Dean’s face. Sam waited patiently for his older brother to settle on one feeling. Predictable as ever, Dean ignored his concern for Cas and pushed past it to focus on his anger over Charlie. “Wait. Charlie is in on this crap, too. Why are you dragging her into this heaven, angel shit?”  

Sam shook his head. “No one is dragging Charlie anywhere. I called and asked if she would be willing to help. And she has helped Cas a great deal. Stop being a dick and be glad that someone is supporting our friend.”

“Yeah, and why exactly does he need support anyway,” said Dean with venom-laced sarcasm.

The tall, frustrated younger brother glared, “You know what. Forget it, Dean. Obviously, you are too far wrapped up in yourself to see the effect you have on other people.” Before he finished his last sentence, Sam turned away and headed for the door. He stomped so loudly he did not hear Dean’s reply.

 

“Cas, I know Dean is doing his own thing right now, but that will not last forever. And when he comes back to us I want to work on your relationship with him.” The angel shook his head vehemently. “No, Sam. I have put that behind me. We need to focus on removing the Mark.”

“Why can’t we do both?”

The angel frowned. “Because the distance is too great. Saving Dean is the priority.”

“You know I am not arguing that point. But I think, his feelings for you could help him keep the Mark in check until we find the solution.” Sam smiled at Cas hopefully.

“No, Sam. Charlie and you need to concentrate, now that we have the Book of the Damned.”

Everything fell apart after that conversation. They lost Charlie. The Darkness was unleashed. Cas gave himself to the devil. Dean broke under the weight of that decision. And the moment Cas came back to them, all hell broke loose. God was dying. The world was ending and Dean giving his life was their solution. All thoughts of the potential relationship between the angel and the righteous man faded away.

Cas lost hope only to feel its return when he saw Dean in the bunker with his mother. Over the months, Sam watched as his brother confronted his past, his feelings. He watched as faith welled up in the angel that Dean would finally accept his true self. That faith was dashed when Cas’ words of love were completely ignored in the days and weeks following the encounter with the prince of hell. The angel shuttered his emotions and turned into the angel of old. An angel focused on duty and mission. And when Cas died because of that mission, he watched as his brother crumbled. The signs of despair radiated in Dean’s entire being and Sam feared that it would lead to his brother’s death.

The second the angel returned to them, Dean’s hope and faith returned. Sam thought this was it. There was no way to deny those feelings. They were clear in every smile and every touch Dean gave the angel. Once again, it was not to be. Dean put all his efforts into finding Mary and shoving a divider between Cas and himself.

“I am sorry Cas. I wish he would stop with the ‘we need’ statements,” said Sam one night in the quiet of the darkened bunker.

“It is as expected. I told you long ago, he would never accept his feelings for me.”

This time Sam merely nodded. He had no more arguments as his own hopes on the subject were dashed. In a few short months, Dean, under Michael’s control, was gone in a flash of wings and Sam drove himself to exhaustion trying to get him back. The joy that came over the entire bunker when his brother finally returned, quickly dissipated in the wake of the tension between Dean and Castiel.

Guilt consumed Dean, and Sam tried and failed to alleviate that guilt. Sam was the one who intervened when his brother’s mood swings started. Most of those emotions were targeted at the broken angel. The day he heard Dean openly yelling at Cas, he knew it was time to confront his brother. The talk did not go as planned. When the moment came, Sam bit back the truth and told Dean he needed to find the answers for himself.

“For some reason you expect more from Cas. More than you have ever demanded of me. You have to figure that out, no one else can do that for you.”

Tired of the whole conversation, Dean chose to drop it. “Well, it’s too late to do anything about it now. I am going to bed. Night Sammy.”

 

Waking the next morning, Sam prayed Dean would see the light. What transpired that day was a massive swing of emotions. His brother went from concern to anger to determination to impertinence. The moment a drunken Dean left in search of sex, Sam threw his hands in the air and gave up.

Sleep eluded him and when the sound of gunfire shattered the silence, Sam jumped from the bed and got to work. Charging up the stairs guns at the ready, he burst out the door to defend his family. What felt like hours later as they were being overrun, a burst of energy flooded the field. The air sizzled and with a crack of thunder a massive being stood between Michael and the bunker. The site was terrifying and beautiful at the same time. Sam knew it was Castiel in his full glory. Six massive wings, intense light and a booming voice. Michael cowered under the force of the angel before him. The angel’s shout of ‘close your eyes’ reverberated through the atmosphere.

As soon as the surge of power dissipated, Sam saw his brother rush to Cas’ side, drop to his knees and embrace the exhausted angel. What followed touched his heart and filled him with love. As his brother kissed Cas, Sam sent a prayer to heaven. “Charlie, I hope you are seeing this.” The site before him shifted into something Sam was not prepared to see and he swiftly turned, fleeing inside the bunker. He learned quickly that it was a huge mistake. The sound’s emanating from his brother’s room filled the bunker and turned his face a dark crimson.

 

Any attempts to sleep were thwarted by Dean’s screaming. When Dean and Cas finally emerged from the bedroom, most of the people chuckled and applauded. Sam, however, turned away blushing. To his utter dismay, hearing his brother yell for the angel to ‘go harder’ were words he would never forget. As usual the ever-blunt angel broke through the awkwardness. It was then that Sam focused on the love he saw between his brother and his angel. Sheer joy overwhelmed him because nobody deserved to find happiness more than the Righteous Man and the Angel of the Lord who gave up heaven to save him.


End file.
